enough: stop painting over the rust

Someone recently said to me, “You can paint over something rusty, but give it time, and the paint will begin to peel away.”

That one stuck.

Lifelong patterns of people-pleasing, perfectionism, disordered eating, and the pursuit of external validation often work in similar ways. We grab a bucket of paint, slap it on the rusty bike, step back, and hope this coat finally does the trick. Then, when it starts peeling, we do what we have always done. We paint it again.

Because dealing with what is visible feels easier than dealing with what is underneath.

We polish. We perform. We achieve. We shrink. We overfunction. We say yes when we mean no. We chase approval. We chase numbers. We chase relationships. We chase worth.

All while the rust keeps spreading underneath.

When I think about eating disorders through this lens, it offers a different kind of perspective. Restricting. Bingeing. Purging. Overexercising. Counting. Controlling. Obsessing.

Aren’t they all, in one way or another, external expressions of an internal wound?

Anyone who has walked through an eating disorder and fought their way into recovery can tell you the paint was never enough.

The number on the scale was never low enough.

The reflection in the mirror was never thin enough.

The compliments were never reassuring enough.

The control was never complete enough.

And for those who have spent years cycling through diet after diet, riding the highs of “success” and the crushing lows of shame, guilt, and isolation, the truth eventually becomes impossible to ignore:

The answer was never out there.

It was never in the paint.

At some critical point in recovery, there comes a moment when you have to say:

Enough is enough.

Enough performing.

Enough proving.

Enough shrinking.

Enough searching for permission to take up space.

Enough of handing other people the job of deciding whether you are worthy.

Because healing does not happen by applying another coat.

Healing happens when you pick up the sandpaper and start dealing with the rust.

And let’s be honest...that can feel scary as hell.

Because if you stop chasing validation...

If you stop trying to earn love...

If you stop trying to be impressive, agreeable, productive, attractive, accomplished, easy, wanted...

Then what?

Then you are left with you.

Raw.

Unfiltered.

Unpolished.

And maybe, for the first time, you have to ask:

What if I am already enough?

What if I am worthy now?

Not ten pounds from now.

Not when everyone is happy with you.

Not when the house is spotless.

Not when you finally hit the goal.

Not when someone chooses you.

Now.

You can spend a lifetime painting over the same rust.

It is also possible to get unstuck.

If you are ready to stop painting over what hurts and start addressing what is underneath, you do not have to do it alone. When you are ready, you are welcome to connect through my contact page to see if we might be a good fit.

Enough is enough.